The God of the 'how'

I’ve spent the past two years of my life living in Honduras as a Missionary Associate. Two weeks ago I got on a bus and left that country. One week ago I came back to the states. It’s a strange transition going from foreigner to citizen. As much as I would love to say that the adjustment has been easy, the truth is I’ve felt out of my element and lost in a place that is supposedly my home. However, as much as this process has been painful, it’s something God has been using to draw me closer to Him. It’s amazing how much I really need Him. How much I depend on Him to lead and guide me every day. 

In the months leading up to this transition I’ve been faced with the inevitable question: “What’s next?” It’s a question that I’ve come to despise because in reality I don’t have the answer. I would love to believe that I know exactly what’s coming next, but if I’ve learned anything over the last two years, it’s that God doesn’t operate according to our plans. He operates in mysterious, swirly ways that our minds can’t even begin to anticipate, let alone comprehend. 

The devotion I read this morning could not have been more timely. It was entitled, “Be specific about your future.” It asked four direct questions. 
1) What do I want to be? 
2) What do I want to do? 
3) What do I want to have? 
4) Why do I want it? 

So, here it goes. 
1) I want to be a professional singer. (shocker, right?) 
2) I want to travel the world and have a music ministry where I minister to the nations about the love and grace of Jesus Christ. 
3) I want to have CDs in both Spanish and English and I want to have my own band. I also want a husband. And a car. 
4) I want these things because I have had a passion in my heart for singing ever since I was a little girl. I want these things because I believe that these are the things God has called me to. I want these things because God has given me a hunger to go to the nations and see his name proclaimed throughout the earth. I want these things because I need more than anything to fulfill the purpose that God has created for me and my desire is to see the lost, hurting and broken turn to Him and be transformed by His amazing grace. If He saved someone like me, then He can save someone like them. Everyone deserves to know about this grace that is so freely given. I want to be a messenger of that grace. I want to spread the news to the nations about the King who became a servant--the one who died so that I might live. People need to know Him. I want to make Him known. For these reasons I know that I cannot stay silent. To remain silent would be doing a disservice to my King. I must proclaim His name through songs of praise. Anything less would be unacceptable. 

The end of the devotion said this: “If you listen to the what-ifs of your goal, you will fail because of worry and fear. You don’t need to focus on how for now because, once you figure out the why, God will show you the how. He will help you solve the problems that stand in the way of your goal.”   

This simple devotion served as a reminder for me that the ‘how’ is not my responsibility. When I begin to think about the magnitude of the dream that God has placed in my heart, I become immediately overwhelmed with fear, worry and doubt. I feel ridiculous for even dreaming so big. But then I am reminded of the God who I serve. He is the God of the ‘how’ and there is nothing that it too big for Him. All I have to do is simply trust. If these are the things that God has designed for my life, then He will make all the pieces fall into place in His perfect timing.