Judgy McJudgerson

I've come to realize something monumental that has the potential to forever change my life. I realized that I care way too much about what people think. Not in the normal, "Oh, is my outfit trendy enough today?" kind of way. But in the, "Is who I am and what I'm doing with my life valid in the eyes of others?" kind of way. Yikes. 

I look to others for validation and am afraid that my life doesn't measure up to some standard I've made up in my own head. I'm so afraid of being judged by everyone because (here's another dirty little secret...) I judge everyone. All the time. I judge what they look like, what they wear, what they do, how they do it. Everything. And it makes me feel sick inside. Like I have some invisible measuring stick that I'm carrying around and if anyone surpasses it I feel less than and if anyone misses the mark I feel greater than. Ugh, it's so ugly. And it's not Jesus. 

The worst part is this has nothing to do with everyone else and everything to do with me. You see, my own insecurity and twisted sense of self-worth has trapped me to believe that my titles, my accomplishments and the number of likes I receive on Instagram define who I am. But these are all lies. My worth and my identity are found in Christ and in what He says about me. He says I am chosen, redeemed, loved and forgiven. And bonus, He accepts me, all of me, just as I am. 

Maybe I'm alone in this "judging others/feeling less than" boat. But if for some reason I'm not, let me encourage you today that you are not defined by the labels that have been placed on you or that you have placed on yourself. You are defined by Him-the one full of enough grace and mercy to cover everything. Even that thing. Embrace this truth today and allow your identity to be wrapped up in who He says you are. It's in that place where you'll find true freedom. 

Be the Church

It was the end of the work day, so I hurriedly packed my things and headed for the door. I saw the woman sitting in the waiting area and she let out a friendly, “hello,” as a smile spread across her face. I returned the greeting, gave a quick smile of my own and walked out the office. Immediate conviction hit me as I could clearly tell the woman was looking for some sort of assistance. I brushed it off, telling myself I was in a hurry and someone else would eventually find her. I sat in my car, held the key in my hand and was ready to turn the ignition, but the conviction only grew stronger. After all, I do work at a church, so helping people in need is sort of in my job description. I begrudgingly drug myself back inside, only to find that someone else had indeed come across the woman and had reached out to assist her. I swiveled back around and headed for the car.

All the way home I thought about this missed opportunity. I wondered how many times throughout my day I came across someone hurting and in need, yet I brushed them off simply because they didn’t fit into my schedule. I wondered what would happen if instead of being so focused on doing my job within the church, I actually became the church. The literal hands and feet that we so often reference, yet so frequently fail to put into action. You see, when Jesus was here, His main objective was not to bury Himself inside the walls of the church. He WAS the church. He went to the people. He met them in their mess. He did not bind himself by rules, regulations and religion. He came to spread redemption.

So today I would challenge you, just as the situation with the woman I encountered challenged me. Untangle yourself from your schedule and agenda and open your eyes to the needs around you. Don’t just live inside the walls of the church.
BE the church.

The God of the 'how'

I’ve spent the past two years of my life living in Honduras as a Missionary Associate. Two weeks ago I got on a bus and left that country. One week ago I came back to the states. It’s a strange transition going from foreigner to citizen. As much as I would love to say that the adjustment has been easy, the truth is I’ve felt out of my element and lost in a place that is supposedly my home. However, as much as this process has been painful, it’s something God has been using to draw me closer to Him. It’s amazing how much I really need Him. How much I depend on Him to lead and guide me every day. 

In the months leading up to this transition I’ve been faced with the inevitable question: “What’s next?” It’s a question that I’ve come to despise because in reality I don’t have the answer. I would love to believe that I know exactly what’s coming next, but if I’ve learned anything over the last two years, it’s that God doesn’t operate according to our plans. He operates in mysterious, swirly ways that our minds can’t even begin to anticipate, let alone comprehend. 

The devotion I read this morning could not have been more timely. It was entitled, “Be specific about your future.” It asked four direct questions. 
1) What do I want to be? 
2) What do I want to do? 
3) What do I want to have? 
4) Why do I want it? 

So, here it goes. 
1) I want to be a professional singer. (shocker, right?) 
2) I want to travel the world and have a music ministry where I minister to the nations about the love and grace of Jesus Christ. 
3) I want to have CDs in both Spanish and English and I want to have my own band. I also want a husband. And a car. 
4) I want these things because I have had a passion in my heart for singing ever since I was a little girl. I want these things because I believe that these are the things God has called me to. I want these things because God has given me a hunger to go to the nations and see his name proclaimed throughout the earth. I want these things because I need more than anything to fulfill the purpose that God has created for me and my desire is to see the lost, hurting and broken turn to Him and be transformed by His amazing grace. If He saved someone like me, then He can save someone like them. Everyone deserves to know about this grace that is so freely given. I want to be a messenger of that grace. I want to spread the news to the nations about the King who became a servant--the one who died so that I might live. People need to know Him. I want to make Him known. For these reasons I know that I cannot stay silent. To remain silent would be doing a disservice to my King. I must proclaim His name through songs of praise. Anything less would be unacceptable. 

The end of the devotion said this: “If you listen to the what-ifs of your goal, you will fail because of worry and fear. You don’t need to focus on how for now because, once you figure out the why, God will show you the how. He will help you solve the problems that stand in the way of your goal.”   

This simple devotion served as a reminder for me that the ‘how’ is not my responsibility. When I begin to think about the magnitude of the dream that God has placed in my heart, I become immediately overwhelmed with fear, worry and doubt. I feel ridiculous for even dreaming so big. But then I am reminded of the God who I serve. He is the God of the ‘how’ and there is nothing that it too big for Him. All I have to do is simply trust. If these are the things that God has designed for my life, then He will make all the pieces fall into place in His perfect timing. 

Reality Check

I’ll be the first to admit that I’ve been terrible at updating with my blog since I moved to Honduras. I started with ambition, determined to post once a week...then life took over. I’ve been caught up in learning how to be a teacher, learning how to live in a foreign country and learning how to become a real adult. I continually reminded myself to post an update, but nothing compelled me to write. Until tonight. 

As I was sitting in the middle of the food court enjoying my guilty pleasure (spicy chicken sandwich from Wendy’s-lettuce only please), I was reminded of why I came to this country. Three sets of brown eyes stared at me and the oldest of the group began asking me for food and money. At first, I was taken by surprise. I’m used to seeing people beg on street corners or come up to the car window and ask for money. It’s almost the norm now for me to watch little boys rapidly clean the windshields of cars in hopes of earning some spare change. However, when I’m in the mall, escaping my reality, I never expect to encounter the face of poverty. Sometimes though, God uses the most unexpected circumstances to get our attention.

After listening to the oldest of the group rapidly ask me to help him and his two siblings, I began asking him questions. I found out his name is Gerson and he is ten years old. He had spent the entire day after school walking the streets and begging with his five year old brother Christian and his three year old sister Marisol. His mom was at home and the three of them had to find a way to get back to her. He told me, “If we don’t get enough money to get home, we’ll sleep on the streets tonight.”

After asking a few more basic questions, I knew I didn’t want to just give the kids money and let them leave--I wanted to hear their story. Between feeding spoonfuls of rice to his baby sister, who he fondly referred to as his princess, Gerson began opening up to me about his life. Every day after school he travels to the mall with his siblings and they sell packets of grape flavored Trident gum to the people walking the streets. He told me I could buy two packs for five lempira--about .25 cents. He is expected to bring home at least 50 lempira ($2.65) to his alcoholic mother, or else she beats him. He looked me in the eyes and said, “Okay, I’ll tell you the truth. Two months ago I came home and someone had robbed the money I had earned. I didn’t have anything to give my mother, so she cut me with a knife.” He then proceeded to roll up his pant leg and show me two scars that were left, forever reminding him of his mothers abuse. When I asked him about his father, he told me that he was an alcoholic and was assaulted two years ago.

After finishing the meal and saving a plate full of food for his two older brothers who were waiting in the house, he told me that they had to leave since it was getting dark. In order to get home the three of them had to take taxis and buses--alone. I wanted to walk them to their bus, but he explained that it was in a dangerous area full of drugs and thieves and that I would not be safe there. He looked at me and said, “I will come back here to see you if you tell me a time. I will be waiting here for you at this table.”

It’s moments like these that make me stop and realize that the problems I’m facing each day are nothing compared to what thousands of kids just like Gerson face every day. Watching the three of them walk away and knowing that I had done all that I could do in that moment was the hardest part. As the three year old “princess” turned around and grinned at me with her dirt stained face, I knew all that was left to do was pray they would make it safely home.

As heartbreaking as it was, I was grateful for that experience. It reminded me of the harsh reality that so many people in this city are dealing with. It encouraged me to pray diligently for them and to not be so focused on the problems I feel I’m facing in my own life. It also reminded me not to become numb to my surroundings. So often kids like Gerson get overlooked or forgotten. As they beg on the streets trying to survive, people toss them a couple lempira just to make them go away. However, their situation is not something that can just “go away.” What they really need is love. Join me in praying for these kids--for their situations as well as revelation on how I can be effective in their lives.

Following the Call

Imagine a city where children spend their days begging on the streets for food and their nights sleeping on concrete sidewalks. They plead with you to give them un lempira but in their eyes there is something so much deeper—they are crying out for love. They come from broken families and their hearts are longing for a glimmer of hope.

This desperation is something I witnessed firsthand in the fall of 2009 when I spent three months as a writing intern and volunteer in Honduras. As I travelled throughout the country, I was able to interact with several different ministries, but nothing affected me more that the experiences I had with the street kids of Tegucigalpa, Honduras. They stole my heart, and since my return to the States, they have never been far from my mind.

God has been stirring within me a passion for missions for the past few years. After being a part of several short-term trips, He has called me to a deeper commitment. In August of this year, I will return to Tegucigalpa, Honduras as a Missionary Associate through the Assemblies of God. I will be assisting Bill Strickland in the ministry he has established at Centro Evangelistico Assembly of God.

This congregation has grown to over 6,000 members and through the church several ministries have been established, such as an orphanage, medical and dental clinic and a Teen Challenge center. In addition to this, there is a Christian bilingual school with around 725 children. I have been given the opportunity to teach second grade at this school, as well as assist with the other ministries that are operated through the church.

As this plan has been unfolding, I have clearly seen God’s hand working out all the details. I am so humbled by this opportunity to serve His kingdom and to have the chance to show the love of Christ to these kids. As you can imagine, there is a financial need involved with making this trip possible. Before I leave, I need to raise $5,000 cash and $600 in monthly support. I would appreciate any support that you would feel called to give. Most importantly, I need your prayers as I begin to make preparations to leave home and start a completely different life in Honduras.

If you would like to give financial support please make checks payable to:

AGWM 1445 Boonville Ave. Springfield, MO 65802
In the memo line include my account number: 4142543

You can also make donations online:
https://secure1.ag.org/contributions/index.cfm

Thank you for your support and prayers and I will continue to keep you all updated throughout this process and during my time in Honduras.

Eso es la vida de Honduras

First I must apologize to all for my lack of blog entries lately. Life in Honduras has been interesting to say the least, so I'll do my best to fill you in on the past two weeks.... After spending the week at Manuelito with the kids, I went back into Tegucigalpa. I spent the weekend hanging out with a few students from El Sembrador farm school as well as with Sarah and Alyssa, another VIA who was in Teguc for the weekend. I was able to spend some time at Amor y Vida church where Project Manuelito has its transition home. I got to meet the kids who are just starting the program and they were just as lovable as the kids out in Talanga. When Monday came around, I was prepared to head up to Villa Gracia for the week long pastors conference. Then life in Honduras happened. Mel Zelaya, the ex president came back into the country, which caused more than a little political tension. In order to keep everyone safe from protests, the government put a curfew on the city. Because of this I was stuck in the guest house in Teguc for three days. Finally on Thursday the curfew was lifted during the day, so I went to the last full day of the pastors conference and was able to interview several of the pastors. On Friday I went back to the conference for the last few sessions and spent the rest of the day preparing to head out to El Sembrador farm school.
I have now been at El Sembrador for a week and have been loving every minute of my time here. El Sembrador is and educational and vocational farm school for teenage boys. Many of the boys come from broken families and rough backgrounds, so this school provides a safe, Christian environment for the boys to gain an education as well as a vocation. There are about 100 boys here currently and they all live on the farm. During the day they work in their vocation which consists of woodworking, woodcarving or industrial mechanics. In the afternoons the boys attend classes and in the evening they have free time to play sports and hang out with one another. There is always some type of activity going on during the evenings, so there is never really a dull moment.
Since I've been here, I've really been able to engage in this ministry in a few different ways. I've been helping one of the missionaries teach English class to 7th and 8th graders, which has been a great opportunity for me to use my Spanish in a more formal setting. The only problem is when I make a mistake, its in front of a room full of teenage boys...not the best situation. I've definitely been stretched in the area of speaking Spanish since I've been here, but I've been really glad for the opportunity. Although I am not anywhere close to being fluent, I feel that I have a much better understanding of the language now that I'm getting the chance to use it on a consistent basis.
In addition to helping with English classes, I have been able to help out with odd jobs like organizing the library and baking cakes for the boys birthday party. I'm also in the process of helping out with the sponsorship program as well as the yearbook. The boys only have one more month left here before their graduation on November 8, so there have been many areas where the ministry needs assistance. The big project that I'm taking on is interviewing each of the boys in order to send one final letter home to their sponsors, letting them know how their year went and how they were challenged in their faith. It's been really great to feel connected to this ministry and to get involved on more than one level.
The one thing I love the most about being on the farm is the sense of community that exists. It almost feels like I'm living in a different world out here, but I love the fact that everyone is together in the same place. There are four missionary couples who work with El Sembrador and all of their houses are on the farm. It's so nice to just be able to walk out of my apartment door and be at a missionaries house in less than two minutes. Everyone here is friendly and welcoming, so I felt comfortable as soon as I arrived. I really appreciate the ministry out here and I'm thankful for the chance to be involved, even if it is only for a short time.

Project Manuelito

Hanging out with one of the Pacheco twins. He also has two more siblings currently in the transition house in Teguc.

When I was first interested in coming to Honduras, one of the ministries that caught my attention was Project Manueltio. If you know me, you know that I am passionate about kids. I just love their innocence and their boldness to say whatever is on their mind. After learning that this ministry was dedicated to helping street kids, I knew that I wanted to be involved. What I didn't know however, was how much my heart would be broken during my time there. The kids who are a part of Project Manuelito have been through more pain and suffering than any kid should ever have to endure. They lived on the streets, spending their days begging for money and food and their nights sleeping on sidewalks. Many of them developed an addiction to sniffing glue, a habit which can severely damage brain cells.
Jorge Pinto, pastor of Amor y Vida church in Tegucigalpa saw the desperate situation of the kids on the streets and decided to begin to meet that need. He started by giving the street kids food, slowly building their trust, and then inviting them to stay at the church for the night. As the program developed, the church became the transition home for the kids who came directly from the streets. After the kids would spend an adequate amount of time in the home, adapting to a scheduled environment with authority figures in their lives, they would move out to the main location in Telanga. That is where I spent my time last week.
In Telanga, the kids all attend school during the day and come back to the project in the afternoon. There is plenty of room on the property for the kids to run around and play and really just have the freedom to be kids. When we arrived on Monday, the kids were so excited to see us, and many of them immediately ran up and gave us hugs and wanted to know who we were. Since independence day for Honduras was on Tuesday, the kids were all out of school for the week, so we really had an unlimited amount of time to get to know them and spend quality time with them. That day I started interviewing some of the kids, asking them to share their stories with me. The first girl I spoke with told me about her life on the street as a four year old who would spend her day begging for money. Although I knew that these kids came from rough situations, it was a complete shock to hear the stories coming directly from them. It made my previous knowledge of their hardship a harsh reality in my mind. I could feel my heart getting heavier with each story that unfolded before me. Finally, I just had to stop my interviews for a while so I could process the information. In spite of the obvious hardships these kids have endured, there current situation is so much better. The kids told me that they like being at Manuelito because they don't have to sleep on the streets anymore. One of the young boys told me that he liked being in the project because he could take a shower. When I asked him if he was ever able to take a shower when he lived on the streets he looked at me like I was crazy and simply said, "no."
It's hard to imagine any little boy or girl living on the streets, desperate to find food, money, anything to help them survive. It's even harder to know their story and have a connection with them, knowing all that they have been through. It hurts my heart to think about their situations, but at the same time it's comforting to know that they are now in a safe place where their needs are met and they are able to get an education. A majority of their parents never visit, but many of the kids are in the program with their siblings, so they have some of their family around. When I think about those kids, my heart is heavy because I want to go back there and spend time with them, to be able to laugh with them and just pour some love into their lives. As you read this post today, please take the time to pray for the kids involved in the program and also for the kids who are still on the streets. Also, pray for the ministry, that funding will continue to come in so that more hurting children can have their lives changed.

Tegucigalpa

This past week I spent time in Tegucigalpa, the capital of Honduras. I was able to travel around the city, visiting different museums and observing the culture. I visited two different private schools and met several of the missionaries who work in the city. It was really interesting to be in the middle of the city in light of the current political situation. The walls and buildings downtown were all covered with graffiti in protest of the government. The feel of the city was drastically different than my time in Roatan. It was clear from the moment our taxi arrived at the guest house that the city was not a "safe" place. The house is protected by a giant metal gate that is double locked at night, so although our surroundings might be dangerous, the house itself serves as a fortress. It was good to feel safe inside the house, but it was hard to adjust to the different environment.
When I was walking around the city with our group, I noticed the obvious distinction between the affluent and the extremely poor. There were people begging on the streets who clearly had next to nothing. At the same time there was a huge mall with high end stores and American restaurants. It was nicer than most of the malls I've been to in the U.S. and was filled with wealthy people. It was almost harder for me to see the wealthy people than the poor, mostly because I wasn't expecting to see this side of Honduras. When I think of this country, my first thoughts are of poverty and suffering, not of affluence. It's hard to understand why there are so many people here who have no choice but to beg for food every day, yet there are those who have more than they would ever need. I think the reason that it was so hard to see the wealth that existed in that mall is because I myself identify with those people. I have more than I could ever want or need, yet the mentality of consumerism has influenced my mind. At times I feel that I need more things, that my life will be better if I have more. The reality is that the cycle never stops and I will always be left wanting more.

moving on

After experiencing a place with as much beauty as Roatan, the goodbye is somewhat bittersweet. Tomorrow is my last day on the island and I'm sure that as I board the plane and head for Tegucigalpa on Tuesday morning, I'll feel a little sad about what I'm leaving behind. The people of Punta Gorda have readily accepted me into their community. There are so many relationships that I began to form that will never get the chance to fully develop. My only hope is that my presence here, if only for a short while, made somewhat of a difference in the lives of the people here. I know that I will never forget my time here on the island or the loving Garifuna people who I had the chance to interact with. I'll miss making small talk with the old man who sits outside his house every day and I'll miss the friendly, "Hola Erica," that I would often hear as I walked through town. I truly do love the sense of community that exists in this simple place.
As I lived out my last week on the island, I had several interesting experiences. On Wednesday I decided to be brave and try out the Honduran public transportation system so I could explore more of the island. After waiting at the end of the dirt road for a bus, I hopped on and headed to French Harbor, a town about 30 minutes from Punta Gorda. The plan was to go to a private beach owned by a resort--the only problem was I wasn't sure how to make the bus stop. After passing by my destination, I stood up and stuttered in Spanish that I needed to get off the bus. Luckily the bus driver noticed me, and after giving me a strange and somewhat annoyed look, he let me off. I tracked back up the road for a few minutes and eventually made it to the beach. It was well worth the trip. I spent a relaxing day snorkeling and laying by the water. I know, I'm supposed to be on a mission trip, but give me a break, I'm on a tropical island. If it makes you feel any better, I came very close to being lunch for a barracuda, so I wouldn't describe the day as 'perfect'.
The rest of the week was spent helping out with different activities with the church. I went to kids club on Thursday afternoon and helped pass out snacks and tried to keep the kids somewhat under control--not an easy task. I got reeled into a game of air hockey with a rather competitive little boy. The only problem was there was no air coming out of the table, making the game especially difficult, not to mention the fact that it was blazing hot in the room. Needless to say I came away from the game a little more than sweaty, but the air hockey champ nonetheless. Friday night was youth group and I had the chance to sing a special. It was somewhat awkward singing in front of a group without a microphone, just using my iPod and a couple of speakers to play the song. It was a good opportunity though, and I really think the youth enjoyed the song. Afterwards, we all broke up into groups to discuss different Bible stories about doubt. I had the chance to read a few verses out loud for my group--in Spanish of course. It was a good chance to practice, and I know that I need to keep speaking when I have the chance so I can get better at the language.
Saturday was my greatly anticipated 22nd birthday. I wasn't sure how I would feel about being away from family and friends on that day, but it ended up being a pretty memorable birthday. Sarah, Laurie and I spent the day at Camp Bay, an undeveloped beach on the island. The setting was breathtaking with sea green water that faded into a deep blue and countless coconut trees lining the sand. After spending some time in the water and exploring the beach, we settled in for a picnic lunch. Laurie set up hammocks under the shade of the trees and after lunch I was lulled to sleep by the serenity of the ocean waves. That night we went out to dinner at an amazing restaurant that was set right on the water. We ate outside and there was a perfect breeze coming off the water during our meal. The food was delicious--I had the Surf and Turf combo of steak and shrimp, and best of all our waiter spoke English. It was perfect. We went back to the house for delicious Oreo chocolate cheesecake that Laurie made for me. It was a really fun day, and a birthday that I know I'll never forget. Although I did miss the familiarity of family and friends being around, I was still really glad that I was able to spend the day on this beautiful island.

another busy weekend

Today I went on my first bike ride around the island (sorry mom...). The road was pretty bumpy and I felt like I was bouncing around like a pinball, but I didn't really mind. It gave me a chance to be alone with my thoughts. Yesterday when I was reading my Bible, I came across a passage in Psalms. It said, "For He will deliver the needy who cry out, the afflicted who have no one to help. He will take pity on the weak and the needy and save the needy from death. He will rescue them from oppression and violence, for precious is their blood in his sight."(Psalms 72:12-14). The part that struck me the most was the very end "...for precious is their blood in his sight." As a society, how often do we look at the needy and regard them as precious. Instead, it seems that the needy are pushed aside and forgotten. Instead of addressing the problem, our society tends to turn its head and look the other way. But God sees their value--He understands their importance. In His eyes they are viewed as precious. In a world consumed by greed, it's critical to stop and address those who are suffering, instead of pretending they don't exist.

This morning in Sunday school, the lesson was on fasting. The leader of the group made a comment about how blessed they were that they had food to eat. She went on to talk about those who are suffering to such an extreme that they aren't sure where their next meal will come from. This idea is still one that's hard for me to handle. Even though I'm in a place where the people don't have much, they are still able to cook meals on a daily basis and most of the time aren't wondering how they will survive from one day to the next. I can't begin to imagine what it would be like to live in such poverty that made it nearly impossible to survive. I'm sure that as I continue on this journey and encounter different towns throughout Honduras that I will come face to face with this reality. Being in a place like this constantly reminds me of how blessed I am and how much God has given me.

This past weekend I was able to spend a lot of time with the people from this community. I attended Bible study in someones home and helped out with kids club on Thursday afternoon. On Friday, I spent the day observing different classrooms in the school across the street from my house. School here is much different than school in the States. There are no shiny, new workbooks and laminated name tags on individual desks. Instead, the kids pile into a semi-chaotic, non-air conditioned room and copy their lessons into beat up notebooks. Some of the teachers shout at the kids to get their attention, which works about half of the time. Friday night was youth group for the church. Right before it was about to start, the power went out in town. This happens quite a bit, since there is a limited amount of power on the island. So, instead of cancelling service, we had a bonfire outside the youth center. There was a time of music and a few people gave their testimony. Afterwards we all played games around the fire. Half the time I had no idea what was going on, but I would catch on after a while. Even though it was difficult to understand at times, it was still a lot of fun and it gave me a chance to connect with the youth on a different level. Yesterday was another busy day spent driving around the island to run different errands. The power went out again, so Sarah and I had to make our dinner in the dark. Living here is definitely different, but I'm really enjoying the experience. I'm supposed to sing tonight at church, so let's hope the power stays on!

one week

As I sit in the porch hammock surrounded by bright blue skies and vividly green trees I am still amazed at the beauty that constantly surrounds me. I have been in Honduras for one week now, and it has been quite an adventure. Although I started off feeling slightly out of place, I'm beginning to adapt to the culture and lifestyle here. I'm getting to know more people and have discovered the sense of community that exists on this island. People here make the time for relationships. It's amazing really. It's impossible to walk down the street without running into an acquaintance and having a conversation. It's never the quick, "hi, how are you?" we're accustomed to in the U.S., but it's more of a personal encounter with each person you might come across. It has really taught me about the value of relationships and has put things into perspective. In the States we're always so 'go, go, go' that often we don't make the time for things in life that are truly important, such as deep relationships with people.
This week has also helped me to adjust more to my surroundings. On Tuesday, my roommate Sarah and I moved into the house upstairs, so we spent most of the morning getting our stuff organized. We both got our cell phones that day and went into town to purchase phone minutes. On our walk to and from town we met several interesting people from the church and were able to learn a little bit about each one. It's nice to feel like I know more people on the island and they in turn know who I am. On Tuesday night Sarah, Laurie (our missionary host in Roatan) and I went to the church prayer meeting. It was a small crowd, but we all took the time to pray for the needs in the community and for specific needs in the congregation. I even had the chance to pray for one of the members of the church who was sick. Even though I prayed in English, I was able to understand most of what was being said in Spanish during the service.
Wednesday Sarah and I decided to explore the island and take advantage of our beautiful surroundings. On our way, we met up with some kids who were leaving from the school across the street from our house. We introduced ourselves and walked the kids to their homes. It was awesome to get to know the kids and to invest some of our time into our lives. They really seemed to enjoy hanging out with "grigas". After we finished walking the kids home, we ran into another group of smaller kids who were playing on wooden walkway that extended into the water and led to a wooden structure. After a little hesitation, I decided to walk the plank and hang out with the kids. They were all so energetic and excited to spend time with us. They all started shouting out their names and the names of their parents and siblings and how old they all were. It was absolute insanity but I loved every minute. It was strange to me that there were so many kids playing unsupervised in a place that was somewhat dangerous. There was even a two year old there, sitting on the edge of the wooden structure, right beside the water. When I asked who was watching him, another little boy spoke up and said they were cousins. That boy was five. I couldn't believe that a five year old would be put in charge of someone, let alone a two year old. However, it seems that the older kids here really do look out for the younger kids, and they usually take pretty good care of one another.

After returning from the walk, I went to a ladies meeting to discuss upcoming events in the church. Later that night I went to music practice because the music leader asked me if I would sing a special for Sunday service. I came prepared to sing one song, and after I finished they wanted me to sing another. I wasn't really prepared for that, but I randomly picked a song from my playlist and even though I forgot some of the words, they really seemed to enjoy the song:) I am really excited about the opportunity to share different songs with the people of the church and am hoping that I will be able to continue to do this as I travel to different places around the country.

If only every Monday could be like this

This past weekend was filled with water taxi rides, Honduran food on the beach and church meetings with the Garifuna people of Punta Gorda. Saturday night I was able to spend time with the kids of the church during a marriage seminar for the adults. Bob and Kathy Owen from La Esperanza were the guest speakers and they led several seminar sessions for the congregation. The kids here are beautiful--I love spending time with them. We were able to draw together and play simple games. I also read them a book in Spanish, and they didn't hesitate to correct me when I couldn't pronounce certain words. It's a little humbling to be corrected by seven year olds.

Worship service takes place here on Sunday night and the church was packed. We sang a couple of songs, one in Garifuna, the native language of the Garifuna people. The atmosphere during service was hectic with children crying and crawling around on the floor. Although I would have enjoyed watching them, there were too many there to handle.

After a rather busy weekend, we decided to have a play day at the beach today. We drove to the West end of the island and I was able to see the port where my cruise ship came in last November. It was a strange feeling to be passing by the place where I first felt called to come here. The beach we went to was gorgeous with white sand and crystal clear water. We went snorkeling right off the shore and were able to see brightly colored tropical fish everywhere we looked. We were even lucky enough to see a few sea turtles. The experience was incredible and reminded me once again of God's creativity. Only someone as omnipotent at Him could create a place with so much beauty. He truly is amazing.

the adventure lies in the unknown

This morning I woke up and heard children chattering in Spanish outside my window. The sound of it was enough to make me realize that I was finally here in Honduras. After a long day of travel yesterday, it was definitely an amazing feeling. After a four hour plane ride, three hour car ride and a rocky boat ride that almost made me lose my lunch, I was thankful to be safe on the island of Roatan. As I began my day this morning, I realized that although I am finally here, I am still uncertain about what will unfold during my travels. I know that God called me to this place for a reason, and today I began to work through what that purpose entails. I realized that the true adventure in this journey lies in the unknown. I'm the type of person who loves to plan out the steps I will take in perfect detail. However, I believe that God is going to change that on this trip. All I know is that I am thankful to finally be here and I am greatly anticipating all that God has to show me during this time.

As I was reading this morning, I came across a passage from Isaiah 44:2 that said, "This is what the Lord says--he who made you, who formed you in the womb, and who will help you: Do not be afraid, O Jacob, my servant, Jeshurun, whom I have chosen." This verse came as a great comfort to me that my God who knows me and who has called me will help me. I believe that although God sends us challenges in life He always provides a way for us to persevere through those challenges, and as he said in this verse, he will help us through. I am certain that I will face numerous challenges on this journey as I'm sure you are also facing challenges back home. Be encouraged that God will help you through those challenges, as I know he will also help me.

On another note...I learned my first lesson today. NEVER leave an open bar of chocolate out in the open. As I discoverd, the ants will find it, even if it is wrapped up inside one of your bags. My missionary host told me to throw it in the freezer--ants and all--and to eat it later. About an hour later, I opened the freezer pulled out the chocolate bar covered in frozen ants and decided it was still edible. Those ants were not about to make me waste my precious chocolate:)

this journey called life

As a young girl, I had my life perfectly mapped out. The picture I painted in my mind was beautiful and perfect in my own sight. God however, had different plans. I didn’t begin to realize those plans until the summer before my sophomore year of college. That summer I traveled to Spain on my first mission trip. As an 18-year-old far from the familiar surroundings of home, I eagerly drank in the culture around me. During that trip, God began to stir something within my heart and I knew that my missions experience was only just beginning. A little over a year later, I went on a trip to Mexico where I was able to give of myself through acts of service to the people of Saltillo. Once again, the desire for travel and missions was ignited and I couldn’t wait for the next opportunity to serve.

Then last summer happened. I was feeling discouraged and kept wondering what my purpose was for the summer. I knew I wanted to do something meaningful, but I wasn’t sure what that looked like. Then one Sunday morning my pastor announced that there were two sudden openings for a trip to El Salvador. I jumped at the chance. Less than a month later I was on an airplane, heading to a place that would forever leave an imprint on my heart. While we were in El Salvador, our group went to different towns and set up free medical clinics for the people. I was one of the translators, and would communicate between the patients and doctor.

The images of brokenness and poverty that I saw on that trip shattered my heart. One woman who came through my line was experiencing complications after a hysterectomy along with other medical issues. In a broken down bathroom behind our clinic, she began to pour out her heart to me about the stress and heartache she was battling in her life. In that overwhelming moment, I reached out and embraced her and told her in simple, broken Spanish that Jesus loved her and that he would help her. I didn’t have deep words of wisdom to pour into her life, but I tried to show her that I cared for her through the universal language of love.

There were countless others who were dealing with problems much deeper than physical ailments. Every patient who we saw represented an untold story of trial and heartache. That knowledge was physically and mentally exhausting. At the same time however, I have never felt more joyous than I did during that trip. While I was there, I knew in my heart that I was exactly where God wanted me to be. God began to take the fire for missions that was already ignited in my heart and turned into a blazing passion. I knew that I couldn’t walk away from that experience and let it be my last on the mission field.

As I finished out my senior year of college as a Journalism student at Anderson University, I kept coming back to that trip—to those experiences. It was during a family cruise this past November that God unfolded the next part of his plan for my life. I was standing on the balcony of our ship, mesmerized by the majestic island of Roatan, Honduras and something began to happen within me. My heart began to pound and I knew with an unexplainable certainty that one day I would return to this place—not as a tourist on a cruise ship—but as a servant. I wasn’t sure how or when this would happen, but I knew in that moment, something inside of me changed as my heart began to beat for the people of Honduras.

It was later that I discovered an opportunity to serve in Honduras as a Volunteer in Action through an organization called World Gospel Mission. I was accepted into the program and will be spending three months in Honduras serving as a writing intern as well as helping with the different ministries throughout the country. As I begin this journey in a few short days, I am certain that God is going to mold me and change me. I don’t know what lies ahead, but if I’ve learned anything through my experiences, I know that in God’s perfect timing He will show me the next step. Although my life isn’t turning out as I imagined it would as a young girl, I can’t say that I’m at all disappointed. The picture I had painted in my mind pales in comparison to the one God has masterfully crafted for my life.